Rambling Roads 🏵

I arrived earlier than planned to Guadalupe Mountains.  Followed a winding road and set up my tent.  Pounded in stakes, rock against rock, hard and unyielding.  I filled up my two water bottles, and packed my pockets with trail mix, jerky and a cheese stick.  After orienting myself with the pocket map the ranger gave me, I directed myself to the Guadalupe Peak trailhead.  I subtly acknowledged a few fellow hikers milling about, some restless teenagers with their parents, a serious wilderness couple and some runners.  But they veered off to other trails before long, and I was alone with the heat, the stones and the dirt.  Just a few scurrying critters to keep me company and the majestic yucca cutting slices into the sky.  So I greeted the tiny cactus blooms, crouching down low to get a magnified look at their tissue paper petals surrounded by sharp thorns.  I marveled at their uniqueness, their resilience, the audacity of their delicate beaut...

You take what is beautiful about me and make it ugly. You are afraid of my mystery and want binding answers with rigid straight lines  and definitions I cannot give you for I do not know them myself, nor do I really care to know. The unknown scares you and you lash out like a wounded animal trapped in a corner. The closer I get to you, the more closed you become. The sacred feminine both calls to you  and repels you. An ancient wound revealed, that I cannot heal. Yet seeing my Beloved wounded, the Mother in me is compelled to try, only to get wounded myself. So I retreat to lick my own wounds. Like Ixchel and her jaguar, waxing and waning moon  at the same time. For as I let you go, I feel myself expanding again to my full roundness, filling in my curving lines, voluptuous and strong, threatening no one as I shine from up above. I only wish you could look up  and see me, feel my light. Maybe one day, you won't feel the need ...