The
other night at our shaman circle, one of the drums became unbearably loud and
aggressive, pounding at my temples to the point that my whole body began to
tense. I nearly stood up to walk out
thinking whoever was drumming had some unresolved
issues, and I didn’t want to be a
passive recipient of them. But just as I
found myself rolling away from the sound of that drum, something in me
contracting, a new thought began pushing back against the weight. “I am bigger than that! I don’t need to be afraid. I don’t even need to defend. I just, I just need to expand…” And with that thought, I felt myself growing,
stretching out past our circle, past our room, enveloping all of Austin and
bleeding into the sky. My breathing
deepened, the sound of the drum receded, my muscles softened, and a smile
spread across my face.
When the rattle
began to pull us back to the room, my spirit glanced down at my body, and I noticed
a grey wolf lying peacefully across my legs.
It was alert, ears perked. Its
eyes, intent as fire, stared protectively at the offending drum but it did not register
any sign of danger. I could feel its warm furry belly inhaling and exhaling against
my skin as it panted playfully. I felt
safe and at ease.
That’s
when it hit me. There is no need to fear
the world that howls and bangs at the windows for my spirit extends beyond time,
beyond this body. I only limit myself by railing against these forces, give
them power in my resistance. Anger is
only useful when it ignites action, but it cannot sustain life. Why do I allow myself to be confined by the
small minded instead of simply engulfing them with the power of my full presence? So I call it forth like heralding the ocean,
and let it wash over me and carry me in its wake where laughter becomes my most
potent weapon and a knowing smile cuts as sharp as a knife.
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